Shut up amid the cackle.

India: A Differential Diagnosis

We are never far behind when it comes to our national holidays, are we? Doing the prescribed bit of flag hoisting, singing ourselves hoarse over the national anthem and the song, abstaining from alcohol (for the uninitiated, national holidays are dry days), paper reading and a host of other nationalistic things. Holiday over, duty done and we sit back, because with each national holiday our indian-ness has been re-asserted. (according to us, it has).

When I chose to take a look at my country (on a look, mind you. I belong to the Indian middle class. I cannot besmirch the name of my worthy fellow men by actually doing something). It would be no exaggeration to say I hardly recognize India anymore. Well, for starters, we have done a fair job of independence. A slight catch...the job is restricted to the metropolitan cities.

Let's not dilly dally. There are two Indias. Both are mutually exclusive and in no way, are they indicators of each other. Awesome, how we can compartmentalize and shove away what is uncomfortable! But we are a nation of professional ignoramuses. Or is it ignoramii? Whatever. We are so good at the art of ignoring, we should be paid for it.

This huge, blundering mass of humanity which is trundling under Population Obesity now has to labour with mental illness as well. India is not only a born Schizophrenic (given in heritage) but now, its symptoms are dangerously bordering along Multiple Personality Disorder as well. Let us go back into Indian history which may give substance to these diagnoses. The first symptom of Indian Schizophrenia was the now-eternal problem of Kashmir. First a state is made a part of the country. Then there is a small caveat: what works for the rest of the country, does not work for Kashmir. There are separate articles in the constitution for it. That is probably one of the reasons why Kashmir never got fully integrated into India. The dichotomy remains, and it is a virtual stalemate between India and Pakistan now. Incidentally, India and Pakistan are blood brothers...fraternal twins maybe? Only that one twin was born handicapped. No prizes for guessing which one.

Well, let Kashmir fester. Meanwhile, we will move on to other important things. Like our political parties, for instance. We are a democratic country. There is a very thin, (and very blurred) line between Democracy and Chronic Indecision. Or rather, non-directional steering. I wonder if we have crossed onto the other side. For India no longer resembles a democracy, but a tottering fledgling with no guidance about flight. Various ideologies flourish, and various sections of people across the country believe and act according to their convenience. The result? The country is being pulled in a thousand directions at once, making all progress null and void.

Oh, I don't want to say that the country has not progressed at all. Like Aravind Adiga says, "We may not have drinking water, sewage disposal or electricity, but we still have Democracy". Not only Democracy, we have one mall per street. We have metro rail systems, we have flights, we have roads (well,I never said good roads. We even have automated teller machines, for heavens sake! How much more can a country progress in six decades? Not much more, I say. We have approximately ten developed cities in this huge country, give or take a few more. I think that is enough. We should be content with what we have. Whoever wants a good life, is free to move to the aforementioned ten cities. We are a democracy, remember? Incidentally, rural India does not even figure in the average Indian's political map. It figures in politician maps. For entirely different reasons though.

The next condition: Multiple Personality Disorder. I see evidence wherever I look. In the financial capital of the country, fifty percent of the population lives in barely habitable conditions. Out of the remaining fifty, thirty belong to the Great Inactive Middle Class and the rest, let us just say, are the ones who get counted when we have feisty slogans like "India Shining" being written.

However, we are bothered about other things of consequence. An actress's bare back on a movie poster should be immediately covered with a Sari, lest it bring down the GDP or makes the stock market crash. A few other things which really can change the direction in which Indian culture moves: tweets, languages in which signboards are put up, depiction of our imaginary Gods and Goddesses in abstract art, movies in which Mumbai is called Bombay (heavens! such blasphemy!), english names of streets and stations (need to be immediately changed to unpronounceable Hindi names, which nobody uses all the same. Give me one true Bambaiya who calls VT CST).

Oh, I forgot clothes, movie actors, cricket, Godmen, Homosexuality and a host of other things. Until these serious issues are sorted out, India will continue to labour under Schizophrenia, Chronic Indecision and Multiple Personality Disorder, without any hope of integration.

Indian democracy is also in an advanced stage of Cancer,eating away at its roots.
We don't have time for the chemotherapy. Besides, it is too expensive.

posted by Anupama. @ 11:39 pm